中国有绅士吗?

当所有人都有了钱,你如何高人一等?这是现在很多男人面临的问题。

去当个绅士是不错的选择。什么是绅士?在我看来,绅士是指一个真正的好人,一个拥有足够智慧去统一自己精神世界的人,同时,也是一个看上去顺眼的人。好人与智者是自己的事,和外人无关,可看上去顺眼却只和外人有关。于是,一个完整的绅士在我的认定中是对人对己的:对己是内心绅士,说白了就是活得不矛盾,就是给别人开门,别人不说谢谢,也没有丝毫不悦;对人是像个绅士。社会发展的不平衡造成一切的不平衡,例如,现在人们对“像个绅士”的热切远远超越 “内心绅士”。

对于现在的欧洲人,绅士是几乎被遗忘了的象征,但对于我们却是新兴特权。“像个绅士”会让你在大款如云的上海北京脱颖而出,会带来更多的钱,也就是更多套到钱的机会;会带来更漂亮的女人,钱对于她们是春药,绅士则能加强效力……“像个绅士”带来的利益是直接的。同时,“我要成为绅士!”也是一个拔高自身社会阶层的完美借口,因为永不厌倦地追求更高的社会地位以及个人身份的优越感,其实才是我们之所以对成为绅士趋之若鹜的本质。

关于绅士要说的可以太多。我也相信这本书会为动机不纯的人带来巨大帮助,甚至可以提纯他们的动机。其实对于很多人,绅士只是一个让人好奇又有点向往的词。在网上搜索“绅士”一词,会显示数千万次的搜索量,乍一看让人震惊,以为有如此多的人都对成为绅士抱有浓厚兴趣,但事实上也许原因很简单:我们只是不知道绅士是什么。

我相信,在这样巨大的群体中存在很多很多有条件成为绅士,却对成为绅士没多大兴趣的人;或者有一些兴趣,但大多操之过急,视一切过程为死敌,只想如同买房买车一样一步到位成为绅士,如果在成为绅士的道路上一旦出现阻碍,他们会立刻放弃,因为那对他们根本就不怎么重要。面对他们,强硬的要求极不现实。如何让要求转化为需求?应该从他们觉得重要的人下手,从他们周围的人下手。对于现在的中国,懂得欣赏绅士,远比成为绅士重要。

相信很多人都遭遇过以下这种复杂的情况。

某绅士用品店内,像个绅士的人正在细心地为自己挑选一双合脚的皮鞋,因为上一双同款式的鞋看上去太旧了。在比较的时候,他不经意地向同伴说了几句这双有些贵、那双比较值之类的话。说这样的话在我看来,非常像一个绅士,因为绅士的价值观里绝对是应该存在性价比这样的概念。可这话却惹毛了一旁的店员,之前的殷勤荡然无存。此时,突然闯入一个土大款,身后跟着个漂亮女人。店员立刻撇下那个像绅士的人,热情地迎上去说,我们的品牌是绅士的首选。土大款听了不以为然,随后当着那漂亮女人的面,美其名为自己添置两件在家穿的便服,实则几乎包了圆。此时,女人崇拜,大款开心,当然开心的还有店员,皆大欢喜,唯独那个像绅士的,酸酸地一笑,低声议论土大款太不像绅士,随后放下本已相中的皮鞋,扬长而去。

其实在整个事件中,有问题的是:店员,像个绅士的人,和漂亮女人,而唯一正确的是那被人嗤之以鼻的土大款。

先说没错的那个。在我的观念里,“活得不矛盾”高于一切,当然也远远高于“像个绅士”。土大款也许根本没想过要成为绅士,也许他认为,我们为什么要如此推崇西方人设计的玩意?就如同“民主”一样,也许压根就是一个西方人带来的圈套!就好像早年间我们说起沙特国王送给每一个和他握过手的人一块金表,而自己却只带一块苏联电子表,我们没有嘲笑,只有艳羡,可为何到了自己人身上就挑鼻子挑眼?再者,土大款清楚自己花钱是为了什么:在得到了一屋子近乎艺术品的箱包皮鞋之外,最重要的是得到了漂亮女人的仰慕。

再说那三个犯错的人。

像个绅士的人绝对错了,错在将直接的仇富套以曲折的正义。此外,“内心绅士”绝不会将自己的绅士情怀强加于其他任何人,所以只有像个绅士的人才会在路见不平时说出那句:“太不像绅士!”

至于中国很多绅士用品店的店员,实际上是最糟糕的一环。在欧洲,那些店员也许高傲,也许冷漠,那也许是为了配合该品牌刻意树立的形象,但绝不势利,绝不表现得毫无素质。绅士用品店的店员尽管自身不必多么绅士,但至少要有成为绅士的意愿。可中国的情况却相去甚远,店员的选择标准几乎只需男帅女美。他们是一群被奢侈品包围的市井小民,毫无傲骨可言,面对他们,仅仅像个绅士都是巨大的浪费。很多人说,中国的奢侈品店开得比欧洲还大,货品比欧洲还全,购买力比欧洲还强……这都是事实,最可惜的是,中国的店员,比欧洲还差。他们本应该是最懂得欣赏绅士的人,就算只为品牌着想。

再说漂亮女人。她们所承担的责任最大,但也是最容易被教化的一个环节。她们注重潮流,可以因为舆论导向一夜间对曾经无比热爱的印有巨大品牌标志的服饰避之不及,甚至反咬一口,而我和她们其实都不明白那有什么不好。现在,很多人之所以不够绅士,之所以表现得如此暴发,其实并非毫无道理,那说明他们身边有更多会为他不够绅士的行为叫好的人,那些人也许是暴发者乐意去取悦的,例如漂亮女人。如果有一天她们在积极的导向下变得更需要男人像个绅士,如果有一天她们懂得欣赏花钱谨慎的绅士,懂得欣赏穿旧皮鞋的男人,如果有一天她们对土大款的暴发行径嗤之以鼻,避之不及,就好像发现了他们的隐疾……那么土大款还会那么不上进、那么不像个绅士吗?

对于现在的中国,只有当懂得识别、欣赏绅士的人多了,成为了一个外在的需求,绅士才会多起来并形成真正的群体。毕竟,当全中国如果仅有一个绅士,哪怕他如假包换,他也不会被认为是个绅士,而是个做作的蠢蛋;当全中国放眼皆绅士,绅士便变得毫无意义;唯有当一部分人是绅士,绅士才算得上是绅士。绅士是永远孤独的群居动物,像狼。

我不是绅士,至少我做不到“像个绅士”,所以在拜读此书时,每翻上几页便会脸红一下,每翻上几页便会恍然大悟道:“原来应该这样!”……而会脸红、会恍然大悟,说明我距离“内心绅士”似乎也还很远。

作者:英国《金融时报》中文网特约撰稿人 郑宸
注:本文仅代表作者本人观点。《绅士的准则》,由中国旅游出版社出版)

Posted: 十一月 14th, 2010
Categories: , 社会
Tags:
Comments: 182 Comments.
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