竞争年代还该不该讲求君子之道？
1.前言：学做君子，争而有道
改革开放后之中国，一切听命于市场经济，崇尚竞争，于是社会既倡导竞争意识，又遍布竞争机制，加上对物竞天择的进化论的误解，使社会达尔文主义横行，狼文化大行其道。人们不只所争之物唯利而已，竞争之规则也丧失殆尽，弱肉强食、投机钻营、欺诈蒙骗，强取豪夺……不择手段，只要达到目的就行。
世事纷扰多起于争，凡有血气者，皆有争心。但争有君子与小人之别。君子的争乃向内而得，争德不修、义不行、礼不合、信不守；小人的争乃从外而求，文人争名，商人争财，官员争权，强者争胜……孔子所说君子无所争，是无小人之争。君子所争者唯德行与道义，小人所争者唯一己私利。因是向内而争，君子相争之对象唯自己而已；因是向外而得，小人相争之对象是所有人。故君子坦荡荡，而小人长戚戚！
所争之物不同，争之方式亦不同。君子无所争，有所必争，如争必合道尽礼，即孔子所谓“其争也君子”。孔子强调谦逊礼让、公平竞争而鄙视无礼、不公正之竞争。这对当下来说仍很有用。
事实上，我们也完全可以争而有道。老子说“上善若水，水利万物而不争”、“夫唯不争，故天下无人能与之争”，孔子说“己所不欲，勿施于人”、“君子矜而不争，群而不党”……遵守竞争之道，社会才可有序，人心才不暴戾。而且无所争未必无所得，争而有道未必不如争而无道所得者少。
2.君子所争，仁义礼信
君子谋道不谋食
孔子说“君子谋道不谋食”，还说君子“志于道”。总之就是：君子要谋求事物、社会运行的规律，让社会长治久安的大道理，而不应整天去考虑衣食等琐事。正因此，孔子方能做到“饭疏食，饮水，曲肱而枕之，乐亦在其中矣”，即使是粗茶淡饭、曲肱而寝，照样自有其乐趣。
其实，孔子所谓的“谋食”可以理解为向外探求，是贪婪，是攫取和占有的姿态，它只局限于追求肉体欲望的满足。而谋道是追求更大的抱负，追求对社会的责任，突破衣食等的个人需求。君子为人，小人为己。如果孔子不是心怀天下，怎么会不辞辛苦而周游列国。人生在世，所以与禽兽不同者，在于“君子谋道不谋食”！谋道不谋食，忧道不忧贫，也是君子与小人的最大区别。
在这一点上，即使是道家代表人物的列子也持相同认识。他的弟子严恢问：“何必要去问什么‘道’呢？人生不就是为了追求财富么？而今财富已经充足了，又何必还用什么道不道呢？”列子回答说：“人如果不讲道义，只顾自己欲望的满足，这就和猪狗没什么差别了……自己是鸡狗禽兽，还要别人来尊敬自己，这是不可能的。”
社会上如果全是谋食不谋道之人，社会道德必然会沦丧。这是必然的。
骥不称其力，称其德也
子曰：“骥不称其力，称其德也。”古代称善跑的马为骥。这句话是说“千里马值得称赞的不是它的气力，而是它的品德。”马有什么品德？其实孔子说的是人。孔子是在强调德比才重要。德才是一个人值得去与别人相比的东西，以德服人也才会真正受到别人的尊敬、爱戴。
孔子有个弟子叫颜回，其素以德行著称。颜回一生，大多追随孔子奔走于列国，后来随孔子回到鲁国后也没当官。以他的才能和德行完全可以当官，但他却穷居陋巷，安贫乐道，“一箪食、一瓢饮，在陋巷。人不堪其忧，回也不改其乐！”他生活于礼崩乐坏的时代，儒家的仁义之志常被斥为愚儒，“世以混浊莫能用”，但他丝毫不改其志，期于通过修德“承衰救弊，欲民反正道”。颜回之德的核心是仁，他把孔子的仁落实于个人一切言行中。
《左传》云：“太上有立德，其次有立功，其次有立言。虽久不废，此之谓不朽。”颜回的不朽在于其重立德，希望通过自己的修身立德来引导人们，后世称他为“复圣”，便是对其重于立德的肯定。孔子门下有72贤人，颜回被推为72贤人之首，就是因为德行。
东汉哲学家王充在《论衡》中说“德不优者，不能怀远”，即品德不好的人心胸狭隘，考虑问题时肯定不会考虑得长远。宋代文学家、政治家范仲淹也说“以德服人，天下欣戴，以力服人，天下怨望”。无德之人可能做不好事，还极有可能坏事，能力越强，可能造成的破坏越强。
无求生以害仁，有杀身以成仁
孔子说：“志士仁人，无求生以害仁，有杀身以成仁。”意思是志士仁人“不能为求生而损害仁德，应以牺牲自己来成全仁德”。为了仁德，哪怕再困难，哪怕刀架在脖子上，哪怕不可能成功，也是要做的。这是为你的道、你的信仰、你的责任而付出的牺牲，此即为“有杀身以成仁”。对不违背仁德的事，哪怕刀架在脖子上也不能做。这也是为你的道、你的信仰、你的责任而付出的牺牲，此即为“无求生以害仁”。
春秋时期，晋国国君晋灵公昏庸而且残暴，大臣们屡谏不改，赵盾谏言频繁，晋灵公一气之下派鉏簏去捉拿他。早朝的时候，灵公还没有起床，赵盾不解朝服，小睡等待。鉏簏看到此景，叹道：“不忘恭敬，民之主也。贼民之主，不忠；弃君之命，不信。有一於此，不如死也。”说完，触槐而死。
《三国志》上也有“为社稷死则死之，为社稷亡则亡之”的说法；宋朝欧阳修说：“士有死不失义”；文天祥则说：“人生自古谁无死，留取丹心照汗青”。
君子喻于义，小人喻于利
君子所追求争取的是“义”，小人追求的是“利”。孔子多次强调这一点。比如“君子喻于义，小人喻于利”，“不义富且贵，于我如浮云”，还有“君子怀德，小人怀土；君子怀刑，小人怀惠”。前一句为人所熟知，后一句则是说“君子心怀社会的仁义道德，小人心怀自己的家园土地；君子心系国家法度规定，小人关心自己的个人恩惠。”
春秋楚襄王26年，楚国出兵侵略郑国，郑将皇颉被楚将穿封戌俘虏，楚军中有楚王弟公子围，想冒认俘获皇颉的功劳，说皇颉是由他俘获的，于是穿封戌和公子围二人发生争执，彼此都不让步。后来他们请伯犁作公正人，判定是谁的功劳。
伯州犁的主意是是问被俘的皇颉。伯州犁向皇颉说明原委，接着手伸二指，说明用上手指代表公子围，用下手指代表穿封戌。郑皇颉因被穿封戌俘虏而恨他，便指着上手指，表示是被公子围所俘虏。于是，伯州犁便判定这是公子围的功劳。小人之争，多与此无异。
孝悌人之本，君子争孝与悌
孔子说：“孝弟也者，其为仁之本与。”就是说孝顺父母、敬爱兄长是做人的根本。孔子的学生曾子论孝时则说“往而不可还者，亲也。故孝子欲养而亲不待，是以椎牛之葬，不如鸡豚之逮亲存也。”意即一旦失去永不再来的，是父母的生命。有多少人想要尽孝可光阴却不停下脚步等候，所以花一头牛的钱为父母搞葬礼，不如花一只鸡的钱为父母尽孝。
郑濂，明朝时浦江人。郑家到郑濂这一辈，已经二百多年没分家了，人称“义门”。明太祖即位后，将郑濂召到京城，问他一家有多少人，郑濂回答：“有一千多人。”明太祖说：“真的是天下第一家啊！” 后来有人诬告郑家结交叛逆罪人，官吏前去抓捕，郑家兄弟六人争相要跟随官吏前去，最后由郑濂的弟弟郑湜前往。当时郑濂正在京城，他赶去拦住弟弟说：“我是兄长，应该由我去。”弟弟说：“哥哥你已经老了，应当由我前往。”就这样，兄弟两人争相入狱。明太祖知道后说：“像这样孝义的人，怎么会去追随他人叛逆呢？”随即将诬陷之人治罪，并重用郑家子弟为官。
明太祖知道后说：“像这样孝义的人，怎么会去追随他人叛逆呢？”随即将诬陷之人治罪，并重用郑家子弟为官。
君于疾没世而名不称焉
孔子说“君子疾没世而名不称焉” ，即君子害怕到死还无人称述其名。孔子是很爱名的，但孔子强调的是有名有实。比如他说：“君子病无能焉，不病人之不己知也。” 君子只担心自己没有能力，不会担心别人不赏识自己，即有实自然会有名。所谓“君子修己之善，有善之实，必有其名，没世而名不称，或无其实也。”君子反对的是沽名钓誉、名不符实、名实颠倒。
君子因为爱名，所以才会重视立德、建立功业，君子爱名争名，其实就是在争取立功立德。小人不爱惜名声，所以也不会太在意干坏事败坏了自己的名声。清末中兴名臣曾国藩就说过:“然君子爱惜名声，常存水渊惴惴之心，盖古今因名望之劣而获罪者极多，不能不慎修以远罪。”
名节一直以来都是君子最为看重的。春秋时有个宋国人得到一块玉石，将它献给宋国的大官子罕。子罕不肯接受。献玉石的人说：我曾经把这块玉石拿给玉工鉴定过，他认为这是一块宝玉，因此我才敢献给您。” 子罕说：“我把清廉的名声当作宝物，你把玉石作为宝物。如果你把宝玉送给了我，我们两人都丧失了宝物，还不如我们都保有各自的宝物。”
君子有终身之忧，无一朝之患
孟子说：“仁人爱人，有礼的人尊敬人。爱人的人，别人就一直爱他；尊敬人的人，别人就一直尊敬他……因此君子有终身的忧虑，没有一时的担心。至于终身忧虑的事是：舜是人，我也是人；舜给天下的人树立了榜样，影响可以流传到后世，我却仍然不免是个平庸的人，这是值得忧虑的。忧虑了怎么办？像舜那样去做罢了。至于说到君子（一时）所担心的，那是没有的。不仁的事不干，不合礼的事不做。即使有一时的担心，君子也不认为值得担心了。”
君子之忧时一种精神追求。比如老子说“绝学无忧”、庄子说“彼圣人何其多忧也”。其实，君子的这些忧，是内忧，不妨叫自寻烦恼，如“德之不修，学之不讲，闻义不能徙，不善不能改”（《论语述而》）。这类内忧，觉之则有，迷之则无，是良心善性之见于感情者，也是为学、修身之结果，是君子之所以为君子的情感所在，是君子自我精神道德完善所产生的忧。
就是说君子所争者在于能否成为仁人君子，而仁人君子在于一生之修为。所以，君子有终身之忧。君子一般不为一己、一时之得失而忧虑，所以，君子又无一朝之患。范仲淹说的“先天下之忧而忧”的忧就是这种忧。
3.君子不争，争必有道
君子无所争，争也君子
孔子说:“君子无所争。必也射乎！揖让而升，下而饮。其争也君子。”意即“君子没有什么可争的事情。如果有争的话，也一定是射箭比赛吧！但比赛时也先是互相作揖而后登堂比赛，比赛完走下堂互相敬酒，这样的竞争也还是君子之争啊！”
中国传统文化所讲的君子是无所争的，不但于人无争，于事也无所争，一切是讲礼让而得。就是说君子一般不相争，如果要争，也始终守礼，讲求公平的规则，要争得合理，争时要始终保持君子的风度，有礼有节。这就是君子之争与小人不讲规则、弱肉强食之争的不同。
宋代，理学家程颢与宰相王安石政见不同，一次皇上召见他们共同议政。王安石一脸厉色，正要怒声争辩，却见程颢和颜悦色的说道：“天下的事应该从容和气的讨论，我愿意平心静气的听您谈谈看法。”王安石听了这话，稍感惭愧，自觉气度不如程颢。后来王安石的新法得到宋神宗支持，许多异己被罢免官职，但对程颢，王安石却格外宽容，他说：“这个人虽不能理解我的治国之道，但是忠诚可信的人。”于是仍给他官做，可程颢却拒绝了，并说：“为政须赏罚同等，臣自请降职。”
上善若水，水利万物而不争
老子说：上善若水，水善利万物而不争……夫唯不争，故无尤。就是说最高的善像水那样，水善于帮助万物而不与万物相争。正因为它不争，所以才没有忧愁和烦恼。老子还说过一句意思相近的话：天之道，利而不害；君子之道，为而不争。意思是说：自然的规律是让万事万物都得到好处，而不伤害它们；圣人的行为准则是，做很多事而不跟别人争夺。
水的原则不是与万物争利，而是利万物，利万物后水虽然不争，自己却也得以保存，可谓利他，最后又自利。利他即是利己，奉献即是索取，施舍即是获得。如水滋养树木，树木繁茂之后也可以庇荫于水。古代五行说水生木、木生水的道理也在于此。世间争利与利他的关系其实都如水之于树木。
这也就是老子所说的“圣人不积，既以为人己愈有，既以与人己愈多。”就是说圣人并不积蓄储存什么，圣人以德助人，自己也就拥有越多，圣人以道施与人，自己也就越丰足。
己所不欲，勿施于人
真正能够息争的原则是什么？自己不想要的，切勿强加给别人。子贡问孔子：“有一言而可以终身行之者乎？”子曰：“其恕乎！己所不欲，勿施于人。”大意是说子贡问：“有什么话可以指导我终生的行为？”孔子回答：“你不想别人对你做的事情，你就不要对别人做。”
“己欲立则立人，己欲达则达人”，意思是自己要事事行得通，也要设法让别人事事行得通，自己要站得住脚，也要设法让别人站得住脚。推己及人的价值在于，它有助于成人与人之间的和谐关系，避免冲突。
我们都不愿意被偷、被抢、被杀，所以我们也不能对他人做这种事，衡量的标准当然是自己的“不欲”。孔子提倡人们通过换位思考的形式，了解别人的欲望和需要，从而不会因为自己的私欲而损害侵犯他人的利益，引起纷争。尊重他人，理解他人，最终的目的是达到社会的和谐，人与人能够和睦相处。任何个体都是社会中的人，尊重他人，理解他人，建立一个和谐的社会，其实也就是在保护自己，最大的受益者也是自己。
东晋大臣庾亮，他骑的马里有一匹很凶，有人让他卖掉。庾亮说：“我卖它就会有人买它，那样也会伤害它的新主人，难道因为这匹马对自己不安全，就可以嫁祸他人吗？”
躬自厚而薄责于人
能够自我反省，责备自己重，而责人轻者，怨恨自然远离了。“躬自厚而薄责于人，则远怨矣”出自《论语·卫灵公》。和古训“君子严以律己，宽以责人”是一个意思。对此，朱熹注解释说：“更多的责备自己，就会进一步提高自己的道德修养，而更少地责备别人，别人也容易追随学习你。
孔子还说：“君子求诸己，小人求诸人。”君子总是责备自己，从自身找缺点。小人常常把目光射向别人，找别人的不足。为什么是这样？因为君子所求无非道德学问而已，道德学问只能要靠自己，小人所求无非富贵名利，富贵名利自己不能作主，所以必须求人。
《菜根谭》中说，“反己者，触事皆成药石；尤人者，动念即是戈矛。一以辟众善之路，一以浚诸恶之源，相去霄壤矣”。就是说，能常常反省自己的人，遇到什么事都可能成为使自己警醒的良药，而那些常怨天尤人的人，心中的念头就象会伤害自己的刀剑。
三国时期的官渡大战，曹操打败了袁绍，曹军从战利品中发现了曹营中有人给袁绍写的信。当时有人主张把写信的人抓来治罪，曹操却让人把信烧了，不予追究。他说：“在胜负未分之前，连我都不知道将来会怎样。个人为自己的前途着想，可以理解。”曹操薄责于人的做法让那些人放下心来，从而吸引和团结了更多的英雄豪杰，最终成就大业。
对道与义，知其不可为而为之
子路在石门过夜。隐士问：“从哪里来？”子路说：“从孔氏那里来。”隐士说：“就是那个明知做不到却还是要做的人吗？”明末清初文学家在《四书遇》中说：不知不可为而为之，愚人也；知其不可为而不为，贤人也；知其不可为而为之，圣人也。知其不可为而为之，是把对道义与责任的追求当做使命。
很多仁人君子，往往明知正确的主张处于劣势，正义的一方处于劣势，清醒的思想处于劣势，自己的实力还远远不够，但还是怀着必死的决心、必败的估计，或以理据争，或挺身而出，或以身殉道。岳飞、文天祥、史可法、谭嗣同都是这样的人。
杨继盛，明代著名谏臣。当时奸相严嵩权倾朝野，杨继盛却弹劾严嵩十大罪五奸，结果他被诬下狱，备受严刑摧残。他曾接受了廷杖一百的处罚，一位同僚实在看不下去了，托人送给他一副蛇胆，告诉他：用此物可以止痛。杨继盛却说：“我自己有胆，用不着这个！”廷杖打折了他的腿骨，腿肉被打掉，没有人给他包扎，致使蝇虫滋生。结果杨继盛又干出一件匪夷所思的事情：在诏狱一角，他拿着破碎碗片刮去腿上的腐肉，而且没用麻药，嘴中也没塞任何东西，整个过程杨继盛没有发出一点声音。最终杨继盛仍然被害，死时年仅40岁。
在中国的古语里，没有比“知其不可而为之”更动人更悲壮的了。
矜而不争，群而不党
孔子说：“君子矜而不争，群而不党。”意思是说君子庄敬自处而无所争，与人和睦相处而不营私结党。君子不党的本意是君子立世做人，不拉帮结派，不搞任何小团体，以平等心对待所有的人，不谀上，不欺下，不畏强，不凌弱。君子之“群”出于公心，小人之“群”囿于私利。出于公心所以能胸怀宽广，纳百川而归于海；出于私利所以就心胸狭窄，结党营私，排除异己，搞宗派主义而不讲道义原则。朱熹说：“君子小人所为不同，如阴阳昼夜，每每相反。然究其所以分，则在公私之际，毫厘之差耳。”
唐朝后期出现不同派别的争权斗争，史称“朋党之争”。朝廷大臣分化组合，形成以牛僧孺、李宗闵为首的“牛党”，和以李德裕为首的“李党”，两派相互倾轧四十余年。两党争持日久，最后变为意气相攻。除去不同利害，已无明显的政见不同。如当时朝堂宦官擅权，两党争相攀附权阉，以为援助。两党交替执政，相互攻伐，使腐败的朝廷更加混乱。唐武宗时，李德裕高居相位，将李宗闵贬斥流放封州；宣宗时，牛党得势，李党皆被罢斥，李德裕被贬死崖州。宣宗时牛僧孺病死，牛李党争才告结束。
对君子来说，要矜而不争，如果有争执，也是以是非为判断错对的标准，而不是以是否对己有利为标准。如果要“群”，也是以公心而团结一起，而不是因私利互相勾结。
以直报怨，以德报德
有人问孔子：“以德报怨，你看怎么样？” 孔子回答：“如果你以德报怨，那用什么来回敬别人的恩德呢？所以，我们应该以直报怨，以德报德。”就是说，如果有人伤害了你，对不起你了，你可以用公正、正直的方式报复这件事。如果有人对你有德，你应用恩德和感恩之心回馈给你恩德的人。
孔子不赞成以怨报怨。他认为以恶意、怨恨、报复去面对别人的不道德，那这个社会将是恶性循环，无休无止。孔子也不赞成以德报怨，这一点被后世很多人误解，以为孔子讲仁，主张以德报怨，并认为以德报怨才是仁的表现，才是真君子。但事实上孔子认为你献出太多的恩德，太多的慈悲，用不值得的仁厚去面对不讲是非标准、有负于你的人和事，是对德行的浪费。孔子提倡仁爱，但他并不认为应当以丧失原则的仁爱之心去宽宥所有人的过失，因为这样会姑息养奸，助长罪恶。
无往不争，则无往非病
清初学者李中孚在《四书反身录》中说：“世间事多起于争，文人争名，细人争利，勇夫争功，艺人争能，强者争胜。无往不争，则无往非病。君子学不近名，居不谋利……夫何所争？”人世间的事大多起于纷争，文人互相争名气大小，肤浅的人争利益，勇武匹夫喜欢争功劳，艺人喜欢争比技能之多少，而强势者则喜欢争强好胜。如果人无论在哪里都不争，则在任何地方都不会受到损害。君子学习的时候不追求虚名，平时不争着谋利，还有什么可争的呢？
其实，“凡有血气者，皆有争心。”（《晏子春秋·内篇杂下》）争不仅是动物的本能，也是人身上的动物性的表现。问题是人生在世，不可受本能驱使。春秋后期的政治家晏婴曾正告齐国内乱中获胜的田桓子不要瓜分失败者的财产，说：“怨利生孽，维义可以长存。”意思是说争夺蓄积的东西多了，就会引出祸患来。只有按义的原则行事才能久立不败之地。
竞争社会既倡导竞争意识，又遍布竞争机制。殊不知只是一味地、笼统地讲争，不讲无争，人人血气勃发，争心炽热，争强、争胜、争夺、争斗、争辩、争吵盈盈然不绝于耳目，求和谐社会则必然遥遥无期矣！
4.争而无道，民困国危
君子坦荡荡，小人长戚戚——内心难获平静
孔子说：“君子坦荡荡，小人长戚戚”。孔子认为当君子首先有不忧愁的好处。
因为君子言行都守君子之道，重视品格和理想，不违德背礼。所以待人接物处世犹如在平坦大道上行走，安然而舒泰。君子之道的核心就是仁，仁者爱人，君子谋求的是大众的利益，所以做任何事都坦坦荡荡，遇到苦难和打击时苦也甜、痛也乐！而小人只爱自己，时刻计较自己的利益，蝇营狗苟，在没有得到时忧虑得不到，想尽办法、不择手段得到后又害怕自己所用的卑劣手段被揭发，即使是通过正当手段得到的，又会整天担心再失去，整天忧心忡忡。
倘若从比较外在得失看，当君子真没多少好处，如果一定要找出某种好处的话，其最大的好处却是可以求个心安。现实生活中，小人得志的现象常有：靠溜须拍马而当官、靠坑蒙拐骗而发财的大有人在。可那些当了官、发了财的小人们幸福吗？今天要打假，那些制造假冒伪劣的人能不心虚么？明天要反贪，那些专搞贪污腐化的人能不害怕么？
子路曾经被问到孔子是个什么样的人，一时不知怎么回答，就回来问孔子。孔子笑着说：“你为什么不告诉他，这个人学而不厌，诲人不倦，发愤忘食，乐以忘忧，不知老之将至。”孔子周游列国经常是狼狈不堪、想为王者师而始终不得，但他却“乐以忘忧，不知老之将至”。为什么呢？因为孔子是君子。
晏子二桃杀三士——人与人充满敌意
春秋时期，齐国有三位著名勇士：公孙接、田开疆、古冶子。他们均武艺高强，三人意气相投，还结为异姓兄弟，彼此互壮声势。由于自恃武艺高，功劳大，他们非常骄横，不把别的官员放在眼里。大臣晏子看到这种情况甚为忧心。
晏子对景公说：“公孙接、田开疆、古冶子三人将会危害国家，大王何不赐两颗桃子给他们，让他们计功而食呢？”景公依计而行，派人送出了两颗桃子。三人开始争夺桃子。先是公孙接、田开疆二人拼死了。剩下的古治子想：他二人已死，我一人独自活在这世上也没意思，也自刎了。
晏子能不费吹灰之力而灭了三个“万人敌”的勇士，无疑是抓住并巧妙地借用了人性致命的弱点：争强好胜。互相争抢往往导致彼此猜忌、互相矛盾，直至反目成仇、大动干戈，待你们彼此隔离、失去交流之后，往往又会被别有用心者利用，分而蚕食。其实，不管是几桃几士，只要自己心理平衡，只要不起心动念，谁的阴谋都不能得逞。然而，事实上官职、钱财、名声、头衔、职称、情色都是杀死我们中很多人的“桃子”。
君子固穷，小人穷斯滥矣——作恶无底线
君子可以安于困厄，小人遭受困厄就会胡作非为。孔子带着他的弟子们周游列国，走到陈这个地方时断了粮，孔子他们饥寒交迫。当时子路很生气地问孔子，您常说我们是很有教养的人，是君子，难道君子就应该落魄到这样的地步吗？孔子想了想对他说：“君子固穷，小人穷斯滥矣”。就是说君子和小人的区别就在于君子在困难的时候是有定力的，守礼的，守规则的；小人在遇到困难的时候是盲乱的，做事和说话是没有底线的，什么话都可以说，什么事都可以做。
因为乌台诗案，苏轼在被贬官到海南的时候仍能安于困境、乐观旷达，而本为他的朋友的章惇却在面临不顺的时候疯狂咬人，结果很快被彻底打倒，并一蹶不振。
其实，很多人在偷盗、抢劫、诬陷他人，干坏事时，总是以“我也是被逼无奈”、“我也是实在没有办法了”作为借口。我们现在社会的很多乱象就是这样。
上下交征利国危矣——国家祸乱的开始
孔孟之道并非不知利，他们很清楚利是发展生产、富强国家的法宝，但为什么却总是说仁义，说君子不言利呢？是因为他们早就看到了利的危害有时实在比它的作用更大，如果不加以约束，最终会变成可以毁灭一切的恶魔。
孟子对曰：“王！何必曰利？亦有仁义而已矣。王曰，‘何以利吾国？’大夫曰，‘何以利吾家？’土庶人曰，‘何以利吾身？’上下交征利而国危矣。万乘之国，弑其君者，必千乘之家；千乘之国，弑其君者，必百乘之家。”如果全国上上下下都只为利而争夺，则会互相攻杀，到最后则“国危矣”。
司马迁在写完《史记·孟子荀卿列传》后感慨道：我读孟子的书，当读到梁惠王问孟夫子“何以利吾国”时，常常放下书而叹息：利实在是祸乱的开始！夫子很少谈到利，是为防备利这个祸乱的根源。因此说“如果人们放纵着去追求利益就会产生怨恨”。自天子到普通老百姓，好利之弊没有什么不同！
孟子这里充分地说出了争利的危害。潘多拉的宝盒打开已经太久，全世界都在毫无节制、毫不掩饰地对“利”顶礼膜拜，人们幻想着“利”会带领着人类走向社会发展的顶峰，却对它带来的灾难，造成的恶果视而不见。
弑君三十六，亡国五十二——国与国攻伐不断
孟子说“春秋无义战”，即春秋时期各国互相攻伐，但没有一个是讲道义的正义战争。春秋、战国两时期加起来有五百多年，是我们民族最痛苦的阶段，打打杀杀，乱作一团。在春秋242年间“弑君三十六，亡国五十二”，老百姓的死亡则数不胜数。长期唯利是图的征战使得社会紊乱、经济凋蔽，苦只苦了老百姓。
孔子在《易经·坤卦》中说：“臣弑其君，子弑其父，非一朝一夕之故，其所由来者渐矣。”西汉董仲舒认为，在那个时代，各国诸侯之间的霸业都不培养政治的道德基础，因此国与国、人与人之间，谁也不相信谁，彼此不敢轻易亲近；国与国之间，没有像周朝初期那样的国际道德关系，因此发动侵略战争几乎没什么道义上的障碍，最多就是找个借口而已。比如春秋时候，晋献公想要扩充地盘，就找借口说邻近的虢国经常侵犯晋国边境，而事实是在晋国和虢国之间还隔着一个虞国。但晋国还是灭了虢国，回来的路上顺便又灭了虞国。
不只战争目的不符合君子之道，战争手段也不符合君子之道。古代战争是讲究一定原则的，如君子不重（chóng）伤、不擒二毛、不伐丧等，即不杀伤已受伤的敌兵、不捕获年长老人、不打正举行重大丧事的国家等。这跟现代战争中讲究不杀老弱病残及俘虏、不使用细菌战等在理念上何其相似！
其实历史上很多战乱时期都是如此，除了春秋战国，五代十国和近代军阀混战以及世界史上的一战、二战都是如此。
5.修身养德，不争之基
以友辅仁：近君子，远小人
孔子说：“近君子，远小人。”原因很简单，近朱者赤，近墨者黑。管仲后来还说：“观其交游，则其贤不肖可察也”。强调个人修德，就必须重视个人的交往圈子。
孔子还说：“益者三友，损者三友。友直，友谅，友多闻，益矣。友便辟，友善柔，友便佞，损矣。”即有益的朋友有三种，有害的朋友有三种。结交正直诚信的朋友，恕人大度的朋友，知识广博的朋友，是有益的。结交谄媚逢迎的人，结交表面奉承而背后诽谤人的人，结交善于花言巧语的人，是有害的。
后来孔子的学生曾参则说得更明确：“君子以文会友，以友辅仁。”佛经也告诫世人说：“勿近愚痴人，应与智者交，尊敬有德者，是为最吉祥！”孔子还说：“近君子，远小人，置身幽兰之坊，人也有香；久居鲍鱼之肆，不闻其臭!”
东晋将军苏浚在《鸡鸣偶记》中也按不同的交往方式，把朋友分成四类，告诫世人要交那些能够互相砥砺品行、直言规劝过失的“畏友”，和以心相交、生死与共的“密友”，而不要交巧言令色、只讲吃喝玩乐的“昵友”，和只可同甘、危难时却落井下石的“贼友”。
《三国志·吕岱》记载：吕岱有个好友叫徐原，“性忠壮，好直言。”每当吕岱有什么过失，他总是公正无私地批评规劝。徐原的这种做法遭到一些人的非议，吕岱却赞叹说：“我所以看中徐原，正由于他有这个长处啊！”
学以养德：君子之学也，以美其身
荀子把学习当成修德的途径，而且十分强调学习之后必须修身和践行。这可以解释我们现在为什么有很多人学问渊博，却远远称不上君子，言行遭鄙弃。
《荀子·劝学篇》说：君子求学问，从耳朵进去，牢记在心，分布在四肢上，显露在举止间。细微的言语，微小的动作，都可以用来供一般人取法。小人求学问，从耳朵进去，从口中出来，口耳之间不过四寸间距罢了，怎么能使自己的七尺之躯具有美好的品德呢？古时求学的人是为修养自己的品德，现在求学的人是为取悦于他人。君子求学问，是为了使自己具有美好的品德；小人求学问，是为了取悦于人。
通过对比君子之学与小人之学，荀子指出学习必须牢记于心，从而修养自身的品德，然后体现在行动举止上，让一言一动都合乎道德标准。比如孔子讲“居处恭，执事敬”、“言必信，行必果”、“不怨天，不尤人”、“不迁怒，不贰过”、“非礼勿视，非礼勿听，非礼勿言，非礼勿动”等，这些都是修身，就是要把学习、思考、修身、立德统一起来，把知行统一起来。
我们现在有很多人都在学，可全是小人之学，只学习不修身、不立德，学习只为稻粱谋，因而虽然知识渊博而德行却很差。余秋雨的学问不可谓不渊博，文章写得不可谓不好，可与品行完全不成正比。原因何在？学习而不修身立德。
反躬自省：过而不改，是谓过矣
孔子说：有过失过错而不肯改，说是真正的过失过错了。
关于反躬自省，孔子曾提到过“躬自厚”、“内自讼”、“内省”、“自省”等。比如说“吾未见能见其过而内自讼者也”，又说“见贤思齐，见不贤而内自省也。”前者意思是说：我还没有看见过能够看到自己的错误而又能从内心责备自己的人；后者是说：见到有德行的人就向他看齐，见到没有德行的人就反省自身是不是也有这样的缺点。
他的学生曾子说得更具体：“吾日三省吾身；为人谋而不忠乎？与朋友交而不信乎？传不习乎？”意思是说我每天必定用三件事反省自己：替人谋事有没有不尽心尽力的地方？与朋友交往是不是有不诚信之处？师长的传授有没有复习？孔子的另一个学生之夏说“小人之过也必文”，意即小人对自己所犯的错误旺旺会加以掩饰。
宋代有个叫赵概的人，在书房内备有３只盒，一只装白豆，一只装黑豆，一只空着。做一件好事或有一个好念头，就取一颗白豆放入空盒，相反就取出一颗黑豆放入空盒。到了晚上，他把投入空盒里的豆子倒出来，通过比较黑豆与白豆的数量来检查自己这一天里的过失和长进。起初，豆子常常是黑比白多，时间长了，黑豆渐减，白豆增多，赵概终于成为一个德高才优之人。
曾国藩认为，自古以来成大事者，未有不重自省、自律者。自省是人达到君子道德、学识境界的一种手段。
君子九思：言忠信，行笃敬
对于修身，孔子有时说得非常具体，比如“九思”。孔子说：“君子有九思：视思明、听思聪、色思温、貌思恭、言思忠、事思敬、疑思问、忿思难、见得思义。”
君子遇到九种情况要思考：看到一个现象时要想是否真正理解、明白所看见的；听到什么时要考虑偏听轻信了没有；说话处事时要想着自己的脸色是不是温和；和人相处时要考虑自己的态度是否恭谨谦逊；说话时要想自己是否说了真话；做事时要想自己是否敬业、认真；有疑问时，是否问人以求得正解；要发脾气时要想所带来的不良后果；可以获得时，要想是否取之有道、得之有义。
前四思是强调自己该怎么做，后五思則是与人交往时应注意的事项。立德修身的君子，有必要在一思一念中时时自我省察思虑，以期行为从思想到言行都与君子相符。孔子的九思，把人们日常的言行举止都概括了，如果确实能做到这些，注意反省自己的一言一行，日积月累，自然就会修养成为君子。
九思看起来很繁琐，但这也正说明孔子所提倡的修身养性，正是从细微处、从一言一行着手的。把这些都做到了，自然会在与人相处时有礼而不争。
孔子说：言忠信，行笃敬，虽蛮貊之邦行矣。意为：只要说话忠诚信实，做事忠厚谨慎，虽然在蛮荒落后的国家也能行得通。九思就是达到“言忠信，行笃敬”的途径。
有所畏惧：畏天命，畏大人，畏圣人之言
孔子讲“君子有三畏：畏天命，畏大人，畏圣人之言。”孔子不信鬼神，他所说的天命其实指的是客观存在不可抗拒的自然规律。内圣外王，有德有位，谓之大人。圣人则是道德和智慧都达到最高水平的的人。对自然规律，君子难道不应该敬畏？大人和圣人的“道德级别”比君子要高，难道君子不该敬畏？ 三畏体现了孔子对自然规律、道德和历史文化智慧的尊重。
孔子的敬畏天命，既类似于宗教情怀，又是一种对内在人格的最高道德要求。敬畏虽不是人的全部美德，却是很多美德的基础。不知敬畏的人，就难以理解正义和诚实。有了敬畏心，人便会在行事时，会感到上天有一双眼睛时刻在看着自己。因为“敬”会有所为，因为“畏”又会有所不为。
人对天命的敬畏是培养高尚人格的开始，没有这种敬畏，就难以成就伟大人格。
关于三畏的故事最著名的莫过于杨震慎独。东汉安帝时荆州刺使杨震很清廉。当时的昌邑县令王密，是杨震当年举荐上来的，为表示感谢，王密“至夜怀金十斤以遗震”。杨震拒绝接受。王密说：“暮夜无知者。”杨震说：“天知，神知，我知，子知。何谓无知？”
我们现在社会中肆意贪腐、唯利是图、弄虚作假等横行，无所畏惧便是一个很重要的原因。
君子三戒：少戒色，壮戒斗，老戒贪
孔子说：“君子有三戒：少之时，血气未定，戒之在色；及其壮也，血气方刚，戒之在斗；及其老也，血气既衰，戒之在得。”意思是说：君子有三种事情应引以为戒：年少的时候，血气还未稳定，要戒惕好色；到了壮年，血气方刚，要戒惕与人争斗；到了老年，血气衰弱，要戒惕贪得无厌。
这里的戒非戒止，而是戒慎、适度，不是不要，而是适度、适可。女色、争斗、贪欲三者，是人之遗传于动物的本能。君子只有不为动物本能所束缚，才可能修身养德。
小说《官场现形记》描写一个做官的人做上了瘾，临死时躺在家里床上，已经进入了弥留状态，这时他的心里只有一个意念：还在做官，还要过官瘾。于是两个副官站在房门口，拿出旧名片来，一个副官念道：“某某大员驾到!”另一个副官念道：“老爷欠安，挡驾!”他听了觉得很过瘾。有人觉得这部小说是在挖苦、讽刺某些沉迷权力者。可从现在的现实看，就会知道这不是在挖苦人，而是确实有许多这一类的人。退休回家，官瘾还没过完，于是妻子儿女每天都向他请示这顿吃什么，下顿吃什么，他大笔一挥，签批！自己觉得还挺过瘾。还有一些人则一旦当官退休，无人巴结奉承，就变得精神萎靡，身体也很快垮掉。
义礼逊信：义以为质，礼以行之，逊以出之，信以成之
孔子说：“君子以公正合理作为根本，用合乎礼仪规范的行为实施它，用谦逊的语言来表达它，用忠诚的态度来完成它。这就是君子啊！”
就是说真正的君子，要重视自己人生的责任，注意义、礼、逊、信四个字。义就是公正、合理、正义而应当做的。君子要以义作为本质，这种义表现在外就是行为上的礼，行为有高度的修养。孙就是逊，态度和言语上要谦逊，不自满，不骄傲。对人对事，处处有信，言而有信，自信而信人。具备了这四个条件，就是君子，就是一个模范人格。绝不是小人“群居终日，言不及义，好行小慧”可比。
君子养德也好，修身也好，有所谓也好，最终就是要由内即外，修德之后做到“义以为质，礼以行之，孙以出之，信以成之”。以这四点来要求约束自己，自然可以做到争与不争都不犯错、不违德，争与不争都可从心所欲“不逾矩”。
6.争而有礼的君子典范
季文子：道德高尚而非婢女穿的好可为国争光
春秋战国时，鲁国的季文子是宣公和成公的国相，但婢女没有绸缎，马也不给粮食吃。仲孙它劝文子说：“您身为鲁国上卿，给二位君主当过国相，而婢女不穿绸缎，马匹不吃粮食，别人不只认为这是您吝啬，也会使国家脸上没有光彩。”
文子说：“我也希望婢女穿得好，马匹吃得好。但是，我见到国都里的人，他们父兄吃的粗糙、穿的破烂的人家还很多，所以我才不敢随心所欲。如果我让婢女和马匹穿好的、吃好的，这恐怕不是做国相的人应该做的罢？再说，我只听说道德高尚才可以为国争光，没有听说因为婢女穿的好、马匹吃的好能使国家光彩。”
文子把这次谈话的情况告诉了仲孙它的父亲仲孙蔑，仲孙蔑便把儿子关了七天。从此以后，仲孙它给婢女穿的衣服不超过粗布，给马匹吃的饲料不超过野草。文子听说后说：“有了过错能够改正的人，是会受到人民尊重的。”便推荐仲孙它担任鲁国的上大夫。
孔子说:“士志于道，而耻恶衣恶食者，未足与议也。”季文子争道、仁而不争物质享受，仲孙它知过能改，皆显君子之风度。
宋襄公：始终坚守仁义与规则的堂吉诃德
春秋时期，楚成王欲借宋襄公主盟赴会之际，劫持宋襄公。公子目夷进谏，怕襄公被欺骗”。襄公担心失了他的信义之道，又怕目夷在他走后强出兵，干脆命令目夷随同他一道赴会。结果襄公果然被楚成王捉拿。
后来宋襄公与楚国交战，宋军已经成列，楚军正在渡过泓水，军官劝宋襄公击其未过河时，襄公不同意。楚军既已渡河，尚未成阵，宋襄公又一次拒绝进攻。直到楚军结阵已成，这才鸣鼓而攻。结果实力与楚相差大的宋军大败。宋襄公本人也受了伤。宋军都埋怨宋襄公不听意见，他却教训道：“有道德的人在战斗中，只要敌人已经负伤就不再去杀伤他，也不俘虏头发斑白的敌人。”
后世都说襄公太迂腐，把襄公当做笑柄。其实，宋襄公行仁义没有错，错在对小人行仁义。司马迁在《史记》中评价说：“襄公之时，修行仁义，欲为盟主……襄公既败于泓，而君子或以为多。伤中国阙礼义，褒之也，宋襄之有礼让也。”意思是说，宋襄公虽然在泓之战中失败，但君子依旧赞美他，原因就是当时中国缺少礼义，而宋襄公仍然坚持原则、有礼让，这非常可贵。现在的社会，不守规矩的人太多。在这种情况下，像宋襄公这样讲仁义、守规矩的人更应该褒扬。
刘宽：温仁不争之典范
刘宽，东汉华阴人。为人有德量，涵养深厚。有一次，乘牛车外出，遇见有人遗失牛，找上刘宽的牛车，硬说驾车的牛是他家的耕牛。刘宽也不争辩，随即下车徒步回家。经过片刻，失牛人找到了自己的牛，亲自送还刘宽并叩头谢罪说：“我很羞惭，愧对长者，愿任随长者处罪。”刘宽和颜悦色地说：“世间相类之物，容易认错，幸劳你送回来，这有什么好谢罪的呢？”
刘宽历任郡守，不主张用严刑峻法整治百姓，而对犯有过错的属吏，他只是象征性地表示羞辱，从不施加刑罚；政务上如果有了功绩，就归功于下属。
刘宽性情温良，从未发过脾气，即使在急迫匆忙时，也未曾见他容色严厉，言辞急迫。夫人也感到奇异，为了试探刘宽的度量，想激他忿怒。有一次正当刘宽要赴朝会，衣冠装束整齐时，夫人命侍婢奉肉羹进入，故意翻倒沾污了刘宽的朝服，刘宽神色不变，仍然和祥关心地慰问侍婢说：“肉羹是否烫伤了你的手？”刘宽的与人不争竟然到此程度。
现代社会需要宽容，打造美好的人生更是如此，只要人们拥有大爱和感恩之心，摒除私欲，换位思考，就一定能够宽容待人。
徐有功：一生都在为民而争的”法官”
徐有功，本名徐弘敏，唐朝长安人，是唐代最著名的专司审案的官吏。在古代，大多数官职都是行政司法混一的，只有在朝廷才有专门的审案官，但在官僚体系中地位极低，也难有作为。徐有功虽长期担任专职审案官，却因敢于严格守法，犯颜直谏，执正、平反成百上千冤案，救活人命多达万人以上而名留青史。
徐有功为官之时，正值武周时期，上有武后作乱，下有酷吏网罗，执法守正彼为不易。由于徐有功前后执正大案六七百件，救活人命数以万计，因而难免得罪酷吏、奸臣，频遭弹劾、推审，但最终皆因找不出他贪赃或徇私枉法的证据，使他三次被控死罪，三次被赦，两次被罢官又两次复出，尽管如此，他仍持志不渝，不阿谀奉承，一心执法守正。
也正因如此，使徐有功能成为历史上罕见的一位名留青史的专职”法官”，被当时人誉为”自古无有”的好官。因为要公正判案，徐有功可以说一生都在争，为司法与权力争。但他的争却无论是为民儿争的目的，还是依法而为的相争之道，都是后世为官者，尤其是为法官者之楷模。
王旦：君子有所争，有所不争
宋真宗时王旦任宰相，寇准屡次在真宗面前说王旦短处，然而王旦却极力称赞寇准长处。真宗也有些看不下去了，就对王旦说了这事。王旦回答说：“臣居相位参与国政年久，难免有许多缺失，寇准事奉陛下无所隐瞒，由此更见准的忠直。”
寇准当枢密院直学士时，王旦有时在写给枢密院的文书中偶尔不合格式，寇准便上奏皇帝，王旦因此而受到责问，但王旦并不介意。后来枢密院有事给王旦写来文书，也不合诏令格式，王旦的手下发现后认为这下逮到报仇机会了，可王旦却命送回枢密院更正，并不上奏。寇准听说后大为惭愧。
王旦居家，从未发过脾气，家人试验他，在他食用的肉羹内投入尘灰，王旦只吃饭而已，家人问他何以不吃肉羹，他说“偶尔不想吃肉。”其后连饭也弄脏，王旦也不责问只说“今天不想吃饭，可另外弄些稀饭来。”
王旦的不争不是说是当好好先生，不愿树敌，而是觉得这些事没必要与之争。但在大原则问题上，对破坏原则的是，王旦却是坚决减持。有位卢某，深夜送黄金百两求王旦提拔为江淮盐运使，王旦推辞说：“你的才能不可担当这个职务，我那敢私受贿赂而废弃公道呢？”
王旦死后，仁宗即位，专为他立碑，并亲笔御书“全德元老之碑”。
赵普：为“刑以惩恶，赏以酬功之公义”而争
赵普，北宋初期杰出政治家，中国历史上著名的谋士。曾三度为相，为一代名臣。他虽然足智多谋却不好读书，后来在赵匡胤的劝告下开始读《论语》，自称“半部论语治天下”的就是他。
据《宋史-赵普传》记载，当时有一名大臣应当升官，太祖一向讨厌他的为人，不答应升他的官。赵普坚决地为他请求，太祖发怒道：“我就是不给他升官，你能怎么样？”赵普说：“刑罪是用来惩治罪恶的，赏赐是用来酬谢有功之人的，这是古往今来共同的道理。况且刑赏是天下的刑赏，不是陛下个人的刑赏，怎能凭自己的喜怒而独断专行呢？”太祖更加愤怒，起身就走，赵普也紧跟在他身后，过了很长时间也不离去，最终得到了太祖的认可。
对封建皇帝来说，普天之下，莫非王土，普天之民，莫非王臣。有谁敢与皇帝如此相争，争的结果轻则被杖责，重则丧命，但赵普却敢以理据争，还不依不饶。赵普说“刑以惩恶，赏以酬功，古今通道也。且刑赏天下之刑赏，非陛下之刑赏”，这既是为一个官员而争，也是为“刑以惩恶，赏以酬功之公义”而争。
董其昌：不及别人从自身处找不足
明朝万历年间，江南某地郡考，17岁的董其昌从小饱读诗书，文思横溢，乡人皆称奇才，他自己也满怀信心，志在必得地走进考场。考完试，他认为自己一定能拿头名。结果在一个月后的发榜日，他名列第二。董其昌极不服气，亲自到学政处自请除名，学政好言慰之，但他不听。学政只好告诉他：“本来将你放在首位，但郡首认为你考试虽优，但书法欠功力，不如第二份文章、书法皆强，故把你降成第二名，当深思为戒！”董其昌比了比那第一名文章的字，确实认为比自己高上一筹，乃收泪返乡。
回家后，董其昌集拢众多法帖，先学颜真卿，再学虞世南。又由唐人书法追溯到魏晋碑帖，进而再研习明代祝枝山、文征明的作品，终于有长足进步。后来他看到了王羲之的《官奴帖》，很为自己过去的肤浅而羞惭。由此，他更加发奋练字。历时近20年，他终于对前人大师诸帖之长融会贯通，形成个人独特的书家风格。后来，经过一代代书画界的推选，皆认为他是明代书法首屈一指的人物，并依据他成才的历程，称誉他超然出尘，为百世师。
君子非不争，要争也是为争德、争才，然后从自身处找不足后努力追赶，正如孔夫子所言是“见贤而思齐”。无论是争的内容，还是争的方式，董其昌都是“为百世师”。
史可法：为国为民不惜以死相争
史可法，明末崇祯五年入朝任户部主事，为官清正，办事干练。
当时的南明小朝廷，勾心斗角，气息奄奄，大数已尽，并无什么太出色的人物，这使主政清王朝的多尔衮对史可法极为重视，并一再对他招降。虽他一再予以拒绝，表示他要“竭股肱之力，继之以忠贞。”
后来史可法被奸臣马士英等人排挤，被挤出南京，要他到扬州督师，以协调江北四镇的刘泽清、刘良佐、高杰和黄得功，对抗虎视耽耽的满清军队。1645年4月17日，清多铎率大军逼近扬州。扬州兵力单薄，抵挡不住抗不过声势浩大的压境清兵，危如累卵，危在旦夕，对此，史可法看得极其清楚。他给夫人的信中写道： “法死矣。前与夫人有定约，当于泉下相候也。”围城之际，多铎对他招降 5 次之多，史可法一概拒绝， “城亡我亡，我意已决，即碎尸万段，甘之如饴。”
入夜扬州城破，史可法自刎，被众将拦住。众人拥下城楼，大呼曰：“我史督师也﹗”多铎劝降，史可法表示：“城亡与亡，我意已决，即碎尸万段，甘之如饴，但扬城百万生灵不可杀戮﹗”后壮烈就义。
在历史上，史可法被高度赞美，被视为与岳飞、文天祥一样的爱国英雄、民族英雄。忠贞爱国，为国为民不惜以死相争。这正是“争也君子”。
7.结语：无所争未必无所得
被誉为“经营之圣”的稻盛和夫曾讲过这样一个故事。一位行僧问老禅师：“听说在人类以外的世界有地狱和天堂，是真的吗？”老禅师回答：“当然有，可它们的差别不象你所想象的那样。在外表上地狱和天堂是完全一样的，所不同的只是居住在那里的人的心不同而已。”行僧又问：“只是心不同，为什么要分地狱和天堂呢？”
对此，老禅师打了一个比喻：在房间中央放一口大锅，锅里煮着面条儿，旁边摆着碗。吃法是按定好的规则进行，即必须用1米长的筷子，手拿着筷子一端吃。在地狱中，用1米长的筷子能很快夹住面条儿放进自己一侧的碗里，可是由于筷子太长，送不到自己的嘴里。但在对面的人看来，面条都让这家伙夹走了，所以要用筷子把别人夹在碗里的面条夹回来。这样你争我夺，结果大家谁也没吃成，都走上了饿鬼之途。
天堂中却是另一番景象。人们相互招呼道：“面条煮好了，大家一起吃吧！”说着就用筷子夹起面条放到对方碗里说：“请你先吃。”并伸长筷子把面条儿夹进对方嘴里。对方也说：“啊，真好吃！这次请你吃。”并且把面条夹给那个人。于是大家吃得很安稳。
愿意生活在天堂还是地狱，选择权其实在我们每个人手中。
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